Knuckles' Theories Series
by Chaotix Dragon
Summary: Knuckles has many theories of many things. find out what thay are here. Warning, there is or will be many weird this in some chapters. Remember, this is meant to be mindless dribble that has no substance. KHDSIRGLEWFBNEURGHRGHBVVIERWPGOREHGVNIOWHTGUIWTVBT
1. Theory of Explosivity

**Knuckles' theory of Explosivity.**

Disclaimer: I don't any Sonic stuff.

One day Knuckles was walking around Angel Island when he found a magic swirling vortex. He threw caution to wind as he threw a rock into the vortex. The rock exploded when it entered the vortex so Knux got a bigger rock and threw that in. It exploded too.

It continued like this for several hours, Knuckles finding something then throwing it in. Eventually he got bored so called all the others to come look at the **Vortex of Explosivity**, as Knuckles had named it.

When they arrived he threw them in. He began with Sonic and Shadow so they could not run away. They exploded. Next he threw in Espio before the chameleon could disappear. He proceeded to throw the others in one at a time until they had all exploded in this order; Amy, Tails, Rouge, Charmy, Cream, Cheese, Chaos, Tikal's spirit, Omega, Froggy and Big (it took a few kicks and punches to make him fit through)

Suddenly Dr Eggman flying over in half ball thing. Knuckles jumped up a through fatso into the vortex.

Thus proving Knuckles theory of explosivity.

**THE END.**

**Steel Shadow: like it? its just something I wrote to pass the time. No harSh reviews. They can be anonymous not harsh. With CON-STRUC-TIVE criticism thank you.**


	2. Theory Of Voodoo Magic

**Notes from meeeeeee, the supreme author Dark Steel Shadow: **I was told in a review to have more pretzels so I did that. My thanks to Philoworm and shadow stalkr for suggestions. I'm open to any you may have. Just don't be mean or harsh. I also recommend my best friend Vader the second, he's hilarious.

**Knuckles' Theory of Voodoo.**

A camera came on to reveal Knuckles hiding under a window sill, fiddling with what appeared to be a rag Tails doll with ropes around its arms, ankles and muzzle.

"Is it on?" Knuckles asked the camera man, a giant walking, talking pretzel with a red cameraman hat named George.

"Yep"

"Good. Hello I'm Knuckles the echidna. And welcome to anyone who will watch my SUPREME MASTER PIECE OF SUPREMEISHNESS when I finish it. Now today we will be doing an experiment to prove my theory of Voodoo magic. I shall not only prove my theory, but I will get myself an assistant. Hahahah." He held up the Tails doll, "I think you may be able to guess who it is, unless of course you're Sonic or Amy or Rouge or Shadow or Omega or Eggman or Cream or Tails or Espio or Vector or Charmy or Tikal or Chaos Zero, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 forms or Big. Especially Big. Or-." This continued for several hours and when he finally finished it was dark.

Knux sneaked over to the window and opened it as quietly possible, which involved much nose and the sound of breaking glass, accompanying Knuckles grunt of anger. He and the camera looked in to see Tails eating some biscuits while Sonic tried Tails' new machine, the Sonic tread mill, with his back to them.

Knuckles reached out slowly and plucked a hair from Tails' tails, "Ow!" Tails cried, surprised by having one of his tails yanker do delled. He turned around to see Knuckles rapping the strand of fur around one of the Tails doll's tails.

Suddenly Tails' arms and legs pressed to his sides and his muzzle snapped close.

Knuckles grinned like a insane monkey on drugs, smoking a big weed cigar, stuck in a delusional world like that Cadburys where every thing is chocolate and chocolate postman ate the chocolate dog's tail. "WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Now Tails, I command you to do A LITTLE GIG. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-"

Knuckles was interrupted by George taping him on the shoulder. "Um, boss? How can he do a gig with no music?" The camera pretzel asked the insane red echidna who had used knockout gas on Rouge and sold her as a slave to the government so he could pay George.

"Hmm." Hmmed Knuckles. "I know! We'll use this CD I'll pull out of no where and make Tails do a gig to that!" He said, pulling a CD out of no where. And for some strange reason he was wearing rubber gloves.

At that moment Sonic finally court up on what was going on. He jumped slow-mo style at Knuckles as the guardian approached the CD player. "NNNNNNOOOOOOOO." In slow-mo too. Knuckles turned and held out the CD case. Sonic saw what music it was, screamed like a 1-year old baby and scrambled to avoid it. He succeeded, but only by making him self bounce around the room smashing into any thing fragile and then bouncing into the side of the Cyclone and coming out the other side then again with the Tornado.

After George had tied Sonic to a rock and throw the rock (Sonic) into a large 6-feet thick cast iron garage bin, Knuckles put the CD in the CD player and put on large fuzzy ear muffs and turned the player on. On came… MICHEL JACKSON'S 70 & 80 HITS! OH NO! EEVVIILL!

So Knuckles ordered Tails to do a gig to the evil crap then turned to George and said "look at Tails! This is the greatest video IN THE WORLD EVER!" Then he stubbed his toe. "(#)$$$#&#&(&."

Unfortunately George heard none of this because of the large fluffy ear muffs he was wearing and saw none of this because he was filming Tails gig.

Finally they made it to Michel's new album and not even someone under Voodoo control can dance to that crap.

Knuckles proceed to making Tails write a large amount of graffiti on the remains of his work shop for 7 hours. Then he made Tails go in the girls' public toilets and fling poo at all the girls in there. That was repeated in all female and male toilets within 50-miles.

Once done the three of them –Knuckles, George and Voodooed Tails– returned to Tails work shop for Knuckles to finish this chapter I can't wait to finish, but since I can't be bothered to write that part I won't. Good Bye.

Oh, and no mean reviews. Bye bye.


	3. Theory of Modern Medicine

Exclaimer: Sonic and Co. belong to Sega and Sonic Team

Knuckles Theory of Modern Medicine.

A camera came on; revealing Knuckles the Echidna wearing a doctor's heart beat checking thing-a-me-bob around his neck and holding a clipboard. He was in what appeared to be a hospital patents room.

"Hallo George." Knuckles said, seemingly sane for the time being.

"TAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Knuckles shrieked like a banshee that had it testis removed, his voiced shattering the bulletproof glass of the pope-mobile that just happened to be driving past. Several loud gunshots later the pope fell over many odd round holes in him, flopping like a fish out of water. Literally.

Tails entered the room slowly. George the Pretzel cameraman fell over laughing at Tails in a white nurses outfit. A white **_female_** nurses outfit. He also wore a nurse hat and a pair of high heel shoes.

"Knuckles-"

"SILENCE YOU FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Knux screamed, his eyes leaning out of their sockets, red veins spreading from his pupils.

Knuckles pulled his willingly (coughtnotcought) cross-dressing slave with him down the street to Sonic's house.

Knuckles pushed Tails at the door to Sonic's house so hard it was ripped open. This gave a view of Sonic bound and gagged, Shadow holding a blank of wood with a nail through it, and Rouge hanging from the ceiling.

The trio stared at Knux and Tails (George was recording through a hole in the roof made by Henry the magic flying giraffe).

"What, new fashion?" Shadow asked Tails.

'SILENCE YOU FORNICATING BABOON !!!!!!!!!!!"

Knux looked over Sonic, Shad and Rouge, then started "giving" them each a proper "check out".

When he was finished he tied them to stretchers and said, "Well, as far as I can see, you are all fine apart from Sonic's 4 broken ribs, a broken arm, a broken leg, a broken ear, another broken leg, a broken nose, a sprained ankle, another broken arm, a broken eyelid or 2 and a tongue so swollen that you can't talk. Better for Shadow, without a sprained ankle and both lids and tongue broken. And, lastly, Rouge with three broken wings, legs and arms, six broken toes, twelve broken fingers, three broken ear and swollen tongue. Nurse, please take these 3 to hospital one at a time on longest possible route there. BEEEEP Good Bye." Knuckles walked away from his "patents" (life signs not included).

When Knux got to the hospital a team of doctors were running to get the pope to a life support system. Unfortunately Knuckles was walking by. Fortunately He quickly made a hole in the floor so that no one would get in the pope's way. You can tell what unfortunately happened next. Several loud, bone-crunching snaps later Knuckles was walking pass the ward where they keep all the people who are going to die, whistling funeral music, when he saw Cream the Rabbit in her death- err, I mean soft, clean, non-deathbed bed.

"TTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hollered the blood crazed madman…err… I mean the respectable, kindly, doctor who was above needing pointless qualifications.

Tails, pulled by the vacuum of air made when Knux drew in his breath to shout again, bounced around until he hit Big, who happened to conversing with Froggy while eating French frogs' legs'. And Froggy, being so much cooler then the fat cat without a hat, hopped away as Big lost an eye to one of Tails' high heels. Hmmm, that's not a sentence you wouldn't expect to find. Anywhere.

Annnnnyway, after trowing the life support machine out the window because 'It was tired and needed a bit of air' Knuckles proceeded to drag Cream to the operating room by her bleeding ears.

Negatively, all the rooms were in use. Dr Madman, AKA NNNNNN-UUUUUU-KKKKKK-LLLLL-SSSSS, solved this problem by kicking some bleeding guy with a big hat off one of the tables. Surely, he reasoned, someone with such a big hat must keep some medicine in there.

Tying the lean mean breeding Cream (she's a rabbit, of course she's a breeder) to the table and using the same scalpel he used to remove the surgeons' third pointer finger, as it were, and beheading them (by the neck, not that other way you foul fools), to extract her eardrums and ovaries.

He then pronounced her healthy, gave her an apple and anthrax lollypop, put from one a hockey puck and sent her the wall.

Turning to George, who had been filming from atop his hovering potato chip named Phil, Knuckles said, "Now, dear viewers, who have witnessed "Knuckles' Theory of Modern Medicine" in practise, you can perform it yourself, with just one last thing. "Knuckles' Theory of Modern Medicine" issss… "Always go with your impulses, not machines, because if they can stand for five seconds when you leave them unsupported, or can swear at you or shout in a loud panicky voice "AHHHH, STOP, I'M DO ANYTHING, AHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN! YOU BLOODY IDIOT, I HATE YOU! AAARRRHHHGGG!" then they are all fixed up."

Smiling, Knuckles threw the scalpel at the window the somehow recovered pope was behind. Fortunately, the window was bullet proof so the Pope survived. Unfortunately, as the Pope left the building, Cream's life support machine finally lost balance from the balcony edge it had landed on when Knux threw it out the window, and crushed the Pope and his hat, what with being a large ten-ton machine built by Tails while where a dress.

And off into the sunset did Knuckles go, riding a watermelon carried by Tails, who still wore the nurse outfit, with George dutifully following.

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Chaotix Dragon: Sorry for not up dating in a while, I just can't seem to get into the mood to write aimless comedy fanfics these days. I only seem able to write ones about war and carnage. Whats strange is I'm eerily good at writing WW1 and WW2 fictional stories _Shrugs_, ah well, lets just hope I can get back into it. One thing seems to get me in the mood. Dragon Tails, a webcomic by Tim Dawson, a real smart comic maker. Its hilarious, have look.


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